No matter what.

A few months ago, I experienced something that changed the way I see things. Long story long, I went to the Dr. for a regular checkup and he found a heart murmur. He recommended that I get an echocardiogram (a heart ultrasound) at the hospital that week. He also told us not to worry too much and that it would probably turn out fine. Easy for him to say! I was pretty nervous because I was told by family that I had heart irregularities as a baby. What if those problems had returned? What if the heart murmur was the beginning of something lifelong? Was there any risk of a heart attack? You know, the usual questions when you're told that your heart is acting funny. That week, while I was waiting for my echo appointment, I had so much anxiety and worry. Maybe it was nothing. What if it was something that would require expensive medical treatment? I think the waiting was the hardest part. It was one of the hardest weeks. Bryce gave me a Priesthood blessing right before my echo. I won't share every word, but this phrase stood out to me and continues to. "Live with the motto of 'no matter what' instead of what if." That was exactly what I needed. I have a testimony of Priesthood blessings. I know that they work, that God's power and love for each individual are real, and that He can heal and comfort us in times of need. I'm grateful for the blessing that Bryce was able to give me. We felt overwhelming comfort that no matter what the echocardiogram showed, God was aware of us and things would be ok. The scary "what ifs" slowly turned into "no matter whats" and hope.

God hears and answers our prayers, but not always in the way that we expect. I wanted a clear and distinct feeling, before my echo, that everything would be fine and that we would be able to afford it. I didn't receive that kind of answer. What we did receive from praying was a feeling of peace and the reassurance from the Spirit that no matter what... whether there was a problem to be fixed, expensive bills in the future, or any kind of trial.. we could get through it with the help of the Lord. I looked up the word reassurance to make sure it was the right word here ;) ... but the definition perfectly explains what I'm trying to say. Reassurance is "the action of removing someone's doubts or fears." It doesn't mean the removal of a trial. God is aware of you. He loves each of us so perfectly that He sent His Son to atone and suffer for us so that He could comfort us and provide a way for us to return back home. I'm grateful for that truth, especially during trials.

To finish up my long story, we went to my appointment with the mindset that we would trust the Lord, no matter what the results were. It was still a little bit scary going to the hospital and all, but other prayers were answered just before my echo. A few songs came on the radio that helped us feel peace. (Thy Will by Hillary Scott & The Scott Family and Sparrows by Jason Gray are great songs if you have a minute!) The hospital staff and echo tech were very kind to us. There were a bunch of little reminders that God was aware of us. We had to wait a few days to know the results, but we got the call the next week and a sweet nurse said "We got your echo results, and the cardiologist said that everything came back normal." I can't explain what the word "normal" meant to me. I felt so much gratitude to God and the life that He's given me. I realized that I've been going through the motions and this experience woke me up. (We've compared it to Scrooge getting a second chance.) Life is a gift. This experience has helped me to appreciate life and the amazing people around me more.  ♥

Prayers aren't always answered in the ways that we hope or expect, but God is in the details of our lives and will help us if we let Him. In my last post, "God's timing," I wrote a little bit about our miscarriage. We still don't understand why that had to happen or why we experience the other trials that we have, but we'll continue to hang on to what we've learned through this trial. No matter what happens, we can trust in the Lord. No matter what, He will be there. No matter what, life is a gift and someday all of our tears will be wiped away & there will be no more sorrow. I also love the reminder from the Lord in John 14:27. "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." Whatever you're facing, you got this!

Love, T